It's been long since I've dusted this space. But I think it's time to start again. I'm tired of those conversations I have in mind that can't be said or discuss.
We broke up. He was sad, so was I. This is normal isn't it? I don't blame us for this, it's inevitable. It just happened earlier than expected. Or maybe, somewhere deep down, I'm constantly hoping that this fateful day will never come. I've never felt such joy and love before. It really felt like love. But it wasn't enough for him. I trust that it's not enough for him. He was indeed my one true epic love but it just wasn't the right time. My love wasn't enough to walk it's way into his heart. My only regret was that I couldn't change his heart. I walked out of this not regretting loving him so much, falling so deep and making myself vulnerable to him. Because doing so, I knew what kind of person I could be loving someone so deep. I was gracious, patient and kind. I didn't kick up any un-needed fuss, I didn't throw much tantrums. I just wanted us to be happy. We were happy, or so I thought. I believe we were truly happy, it only ended because of the uncertainty and the fact that unhappiness could be filling us up very soon.
I'm lost at what to think now. I'm surprised myself at how I'm handling this. I thought I would be an emotional wreck, but I'm not. I didn't break down at work or infront of anyone after that day. His exact words still rings in my mind. It's been less than a week, I know it would take much longer to get over this heartbreak. I keep on reminding myself that we are only getting over the heartbreak, not getting over each other. I still love him, deeply. But we can't carry on not knowing how our future would be like. I hope we can still be friends after this. It may turn out awkward, but I think both of us a mature enough to see this through. Keeping my distance from him now would only make things easier.
To have loved and loss is better than to never have loved at all. This is true. I maybe aching now, but I have really loved him. I felt it, he felt it, that's what matters. He showed me how I should be loved and treated, with respect. I always tell myself that if I feel any heartbreak after this relationship, it's all worth it. It really is worth it. A few years later when I'm back reading this, I may have the mindset that I'm foolish and naive at this point of time. But, it will eventually affect my future, how I see my future partner, how I want to be treated and how I love myself and people around me.
He made me feel almost perfect, like I didn't need to change anything about myself. He made me embrace myself, made me love and appreciate myself even more, like never before. I walked out of this relationship feeling confident. I can't thank him enough for this.
This relationship may have ended and I should move on, but I will never forget this, I will never forget everything. He is my one true love, but people get may true loves. We are just not fated to be together now. We may meet in the future and may end up together, we may meet one day with each other's partner, we may not even meet anymore. But I will remember.
Thank you for giving me fond memories. I love you, always will.
