hey guys.

just came back from tanning with ogawa. i have to say. because ogawa refused to help me spread the tanning oil& randomly sprayed it everywhere, i have burnt RED OBVIOUS PATCHES. thanks a lot. seriously. we'll go back there soon, to make my 7 dollars worth of tips worth it. damn. shall not elaborate more on that. got so disappointed.

anways, i'm fostering 2 monsters which pees every 5 mins when their awake. so tiring. first day without play pen was a disaster with them running all over, peeing& pooing all over. crap. but it was so much better with the play pen i bought yest from pet movers. pet movers is like so much cheaper than pet lovers' centre. that place is just to cheat new owners off their money. the play pen cost 3 times more at pet lovers' centre! like, lucky i didn't buy.

i think i'll make a trip down there soon enough to get them solid kibbles since they're teething alr. teething is also another problem. my leg especially my toes are like walking toys to them. crap. whenever i step into the pen they'll start licking then nibble then bite.

it's a great experience this time round, first time fostering pups. oh oh. the black pup is called guiness (named by adopter), the black& white pup me& my sis decided to name her monstie (ah mon-by ogawa). feel free to drop by& visit them. den i can have time to sleep. lol.

work tmr. hopefully my energy will be fully restored tmr. i'm so tired. sat will be a hectic day. morning - SPCA volunteer orientation
noon - store meeting
evening - driving
i think i'll call fifa to help me babysit them for the day.

dun make things harder. you know i'll be stuborn. i tot i could do it. but i jus can't seem to. since there's no love for me, then move on. move on. jus be friends. pls.

why dun good boyfriends jus drop from the sky. i wonder.

''words should not be hurtful.

it should be used to say i love you.''

so far away.

letter for my dearest baby. read every single word i've written, dun miss out any. you'll probably end up hating me after what i've written, but i have to say if not i'm going crazy.

dearest baby,

baby. i have to say this. i have no idea how to coax you out of that relationship. i'm not sure what's your status with him. but i want you to think about it. every single time you two quarrel, he'll always, without fail, come running back to you saying he's changed. you naively believed him every single time& it always ends up with the same ending. what will make you understand that he doesn't love you, he can't get used to the life without you. when he has you, he doesn't treasure, he treats you like shit. dun deny whatever i've said because deep in you, you know it's the truth. and you choose time& again to bury the truth deep. he forces you to face the truth everytime& you ignore it. like how i did. x kinda got you out of hell& face the terrible truth. you choose to let go of that& go back to him. you always say that you're not with him, he's changed. but tell me how long can this last. he's owning you again. the vicous cycle will repeat itself. he can never redeem himself ever again, to me, to ivy, it's the same, no matter what he does in the future, the fact that the things he did& said to you will always remain. it won't go away. i'm reaching the point of giving up on you. so tired to the point i can stand aside& do nothing even if he abuse you or kill you infront of me. i'm sorry. the constant thought of you being with him again is disturbing. i can't help but to worry, get angry, get pissed.

this is how much i love, care& can do for you. pls dun test the limit of ivy& mine. i'm, you can include ivy, pleading you. i hope i actually dun have to say this because you've given up on him. i really have no idea what's going on or what will be happening because we haven talked in days. i figured, whenever i talk to you, i'll start asking& make myself angry. going out with you is even worse. you'll always be busy with your phone. you'll always be defending that you're not texting him. but we all know who it is from. dun treat us like some 3 yr old. we know stuff even if you dun tell.

you choose that path. it's your choice. i'm not going to meddle ever again. ivy can tolerate it, but i can't. even if he hurts you. i'll be telling you i told you so. i have to say, if anything happens again, you deserve it. i'm not going to give you my support in being together with him, yet again.

that is my final word for everything that's been in my mind. baby. it's my care& concern. take it or leave it. dun try to coax us or defend him treating us like we're 3 yr old.

it's harsh& offending i know. but it's bothering me since i've been calling you baby. i dun think that bastard is worth straining our friendship. you worth better. dun go down to his level, it's not, never going to be worth it. i've said what i've been wanting to say to you& what ivy& me have been talking about. i think i'm risking our friendship saying all these.

you know i love you.

i entrusted you with a secret. you simply betrayed that trust of mine. i'm speechless about that.

love,

val

i've been dreaming of us being so happy together, back again, compromising with each other's needs. but i know, it's never a reality. i hate sleeping now. i hate to be idling around because i'll start thinking. i'm still thinking. i refused to blog about it. but i think i'm on the process of suffering from depression. i always want to hug my sis or mum to sleep at night. because i'm still not used to it. i put on a pretence at home. it's like it never happened. i dun like to cry at home because i hate explaining what happened. but this time, i have a reason to cry. but it's just a sign of weakness. i can't do it. i simply can't i duno how to. i can only cry alone. i dun even dare to cry to sleep because it really hurts so much. i heard from kelly that you told her you can't take care of me& that's you, you can't change it. i'm surprised you even mentioned it to anyone. i tot you'll jus keep to yourself until everyone starts asking. i want to stop thinking about you. some stuff i still can't get it. why. why does this have to happen. you can give in to them, you can't give in to me. i want you to know. you owe me. for whatever sacrifice i've made. since you've made the decision, i want you to regret it. like how i always remind myself, no matter how much i want you back, no matter how strong the urge to surprise you at your door step, no matter how much i want to hug you, no matter how much i love you, i can't go back to you, i can't give in to this. i have to do it for myself. i gave too much. i gave you myself whole heartedly, wanting you to take care of me. you didn't. you said you tried. it just isn't you to do so. i miss you so much i feel like killing myself to relieve myself of this feeling. i hate it. seeing you the other day at store made things worst.

i'm sorry guys. i'm not as strong as you think i am, i'm not that strong like how you want me to be. dun ask, dun tag, just leave me alone. i'm not okay. i hate being emo.

hello.

i'm dead beat. seriously. woke up at 4.30am for work. knocked off at 2. den somehow dragged till 5 plus before i went home.

supposed to work tmr& friday. but due to the sup papers& revision lesson tmr i got others to replace me.

going down tmr for some stuff then back to school for revision lesson.

damn. i see everyone's blogging about how good their results are, well at least they dun have sup papers. it's my first hols having sup paper. i see whatever happened during that period really affected everything.

i'm so tired. ivy why do you have to be gone now.

hey hey hey. i've been busy with work. so i'm kinda lazy to update recently.

anyways, bad news for me& darling& baby. no free k treat. i failed MBIO. expected anyways. heh. i've got exactly a week to study. woot. all the best to me! i'll pass. no worries. i dun feel like doing in house attachment seeing chooi's face every other day. sickening face.

it's been raining so much, rain spoils everything. crap. but, i haven planned anything to do outdoors. so. it doesn't really matter. just that the weather becomes freaking humid. 

dad started to drive night only. hopefully it's a better choice and be safe.

oo. i'm updating with the new lappie my sis bought from the IT fair. well, she got her friend to get it. she'll be bringing this to aussie than leaving me with the HP laptop reason being this is lighter. hmmm. i'm ok with the HP laptop jus that there's an oversized solid laptop skin on it i dun like, hopefully i can find someone to cut it then i'll get another skin done on it. wahahahaha.

somehow, holidays seems to be ending soon. or am i too bored to the extent that i hope hols will end quickly. i think i am. 

ok. i'll be working tmr, wed& thurs. fri i'll have store meeting. hmmmm. tmr and thurs doing store opening. hopefully i can stay active thruout ans save some energy to study there afterwards. it's good to study there. i'll get free flow of food and drinks. heh. i love working there. hopefully when new sem starts i still can cope with studying and working at the same time. it'll be a shame if i have to quit lah. 

anyways. i'll be off to watch some show, eat my brunch then study later on. so... take care peeps. :D

hey hey hey. i think my posts are alternating btw random happy or simply emo post. hmmmm.

anyways. woke up, went gym, went for 1st driving lesson den called it a day for today.

wahahahahaha. fulfilling day indeed. i didn't procrastinate abt gymming tday. gym is more encouraging for me rather than outdoors. heh. well, at least i'm more motivated to work out with the variety of equipment. though i dun really spend a lot of time there. only 40 mins, but i feel sufficient. better than rotting at home. seriously.

anws, i kinda regretted taking manual driving. clutch is such a hassle. i went on gear 1 and reverse, travelling like 4-5m (i think, my gauging is bad) forward& backward. heh. not bad. lucky my instructor was patient. the car died like 10 times. well, first time. forgiven.

went home directly after driving like some hungry ghost. gym really used up my wanton mee in the afternoon. heh. good thing. i'm dead tired now. but somehow, the night is still too young to sleep. heh. but there's like nth much to do online leh. i wonder why ppl can be so obsessed with facebook. i tried playing stuff but... kinda waste of time. maybe because i'm still noob.

i'll be rotting for the whole week till sat. work at compass point. o.. there's something on friday at store. ok. i'll let some pictures do some talking. :D (fyi: some pictures are seriously backdated.)

sharleen. my evening entertainment.

freaking chubby right. my goodness.

seriously, i love this photo. she's so cute can.

someday during break when i felt like cam whoring.
ivy's treat at xin wang after term test.
mummy. not dead. jus sedated.

somehow sedation requires them to stick out their tongue.

cute right.hmmm. saddist i know.

ok. jin's bdae celebration.

this guy is in ns.

when will you come out balls.

i wanna go prawning.

ok. i miss this hair.

i miss the person beside me also.

but somehow, she's bussssyyyy being teacher. heh.

anyways. me being a vain pork, i did hair extension with baby. heh. so, if anyone sees me somewhere someday, pls be informed. :D

(pls forgive my ugly self take pictures. i'm seldom a narcissist you see. heh)

sometimes my hair is so long,

i freak myself out at night. heh.

taken during trip to haji lane last wk.

oo. you guys can check out these dog blogs. i get so addicted to them.

1. Bear the rottie
2. Hebie/ Helios the GR
   

oo. i've yet to tell you guys which breed i'd love to have. italian greyhound. it's a love at first sight thang. haha. hopefully, i can get it next yr when i grad& start working. heh. sooon it will be.

ok. that shall be all for tday. take care peeps. :D

p.s: i took freaking 2 hrs to load the photos. crap. i wanted to unload the picture of my new watch. but i fucking accidentally deleted it for 6 times. freak. i shall upload it some other time when i feel like it. ok. that's all.

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there
-Otomo No Yakamochi

i'm tired of those dreams that never comes true. i'm so happy there& wake up to reality that i wish never came. why?

wizard of oz once said that a heart is practical only if it's made unbreakable. is there such thing as an unbreakable heart? things wouldn't be so difficult now if i was born with an unbreakable heart. or so it would be. it'd be even better if i was born heartless, without emotions. then i wouldn't know or feel something called love.

it still hurts so much. sometimes out of nowhere i need a pillar. for me to lean& cry on. but i know it's just a sign of weakness. i can't let it overcome me. i can't. getting drunk& clubbing can never be a solution. what happened that night only made me feel worse and made me tot so much more, brought back the urge to call you. call you to pick me up& somehow hopefully things will turn out like how i want it to be. but i jus couldn't do it. i know i'll be rejected cold& hard. i wished you could prove me wrong. but it's impossible i know. i know for myself, i can't turn back no matter how much i want. i need to move on or i'll get hurt even more.

someone pls come along, mend my heart, make it unbreakable& practical.

hey hey hey.

rotted at home yest& today. worked on fri& went for movies after coming home to change. den went to phuture. wooot. my first. fun i can say. not the aftermath. got drunk. my goodness. haha.

ok. i'm getting lazy to blog alr.

darling went off to melbourne alr. damn. i'll miss her. hopefully she didn't get lost.

alr. off to rot again. :D

pardon me for my big mouth. heh.

hello. sorry i've not been updating. jus too busy having fun. wahahahaha.

i've been out practically everyday with baby& darling.

friday went out with them& xavier. i saved money that day. wahahahaha. thanks to xavier. :D first to waraku, k@ cine, some pub, marley& me!!! den home finally.

sat went to simei den city plaza to enquire for some stuff den home den looked up baby at her work place den to jason's place for mahjong den home.

i reached home around 5 plus in the morning on both days. it's been long since i've stayed out so late lah. tiring but good.

sunday. went chinatown with them again. den to clarke quay. den home. nth much.

mon went haji for photo taking session. nth much done either because of RAINNNN. ok lah. it only kinda affected things today. went to sentosa with them yet again plus ROY. ivy's brother from another mother. heh. her beloved jack russel. i'm sure he did have loads of fun with some stranger brothers entertaining him. called it a day early because of the freaking rain. it spoils everything. seriously. can't believe it. when we're studying& appreciate days without sun, the sun is scorching hot. when we want the sun, it goes somewhere to hide. crap. ok.

anyway. i'm tired. although i din run or do anything. i guess it's late night yest. i was watching red cliff 2. wahahaha. nice movie. seriously, it makes me appreciate chinese history better. i've liked chinese history all the while. especially during sec school chinese lessons. ok. ignore this.

i'll be working tmr. kinda excited yet not at the same time. i'm afraid i might forget stuff. hopefully i'll be at the bar area. i'll die doing pos.

my mind is blank. so i'll update when i have anything to say.