1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

if it was in the past, i would cry my lungs out. but now, i think i'll hang on to my dearest pig. to irritate him like what i always do (just like undying cockroaches- "da bu si de zhang lang"), my form of showing love. wahahaha :D



2. If you can have dreams come true, what would they be?

be a successful wildlife volunteer, have a happy family of my own, be stress-free, be filthy rich, be a nice person, be a sociable person.

i think it's impossible to list down the dreams that i want to come true. there's too much. maybe, the best that can happen to me is to be happppy. :D


3. What will your dream wedding be like?

preferably at a beach in the evening, everyone clad in beachwear. simple& sweet. most importantly, my wedding is pet friendly. :D


4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?


of course. so many choices ahead of me. it is crap to think of it at times. but ultimately, i'd like to do volunteer work or any work related to the marine life.

5. What's your ideal lover like?

tall, humorous, gentleman, sensitive, rich, street-smart, healthy ad sociable. it's a bit unrealistic to say this too. cause somehow, no one can be perfect.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

both. loving someone makes my life more fulfilling i think. being loved makes me feel loved. heh.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

i have no idea. i'm quite impatient. but it really pays to wait at times.


8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

wasted. find someone else. wahaha.


9. Is there anything that's made you unhappy these days?

many. many. but it'll be thing of the past soon.


10. Is being tagged fun?

not really. but it kills time, especially when i'm suppose to do some assignment.


11. How do you see yourself in ten years time?

in africa, doing some wildlife work.

OR

bringing kids to my work place, filled with furr balls, my hubby picking us up later.


12. Who are currently the most important people to you?

my sis, my dearest pig& friends.


13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?


someone artistic, bubbly and friendly.


14. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?


i think i would be someone married but poor. in fact, i'm rich by being married. i have someone who loves me. it still feels good to be loved.


15. What's the first thing you do every morning?

switch off my alarm, if it's some school day. then i'll smell my pillow. :D


16. Would you give it all in a relationship?

foolishly i will, i am. i've been giving all i can. hoping or return sometime.


17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?


this will never happen. so i've never tot of it before. heh.

i think i've been naive for a very long time. the only thing i should be missing is maisy. everything is over from today onwards. it's hurting. it's hurting. it shouldn't hurt anymore.


"sometimes when you're young,
you think nothing can hurt you.
It's like being invincible.
Your whole life is ahead of you,
and you have big plans.
Big plans.
To find your perfect match.
The one that completes you.
But as you get older,
you realize it's not always that easy.
It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans.
At the end,
when you're looking back instead of forward,
you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you.
You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind.
You want it all to have mattered."

-one tree hill

that's part of growing up i guess. i shall start learning the art of distraction. i don't know how, but i shall learn.

i swear, i won't rush into things next time. sometimes, i wonder whether hate is safer than trust.

good morning ppl!

i think i should be sleeping now, but i can't seem to sleep. school started today. nothing much happened. well, everything remains i guess. i tot things would be better after the break. tmr will be a better day.


"Make a wish and place it in your heart.
Anything you want, everything you want.
Do you have it?
Good.
Now believe it can come true.
You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from,
the next smile,
the next wish come true.
But if you believe that it's right around the corner,
and you open your heart
and mind to the possibility of it,
to the certainty of it.
You just might get the thing you're wishing for.
The world is full of magic.
You just have to believe in it.
So make your wish.
Now believe in it.
With all your heart."

-one tree hill

i'm making a wish right now.
and i'm believing in it with all my heart.
i miss you.

is it over?
wad does good bye mean?
a part of me feels relieved.
a part of me feels i can't be myself for sometime.
i haven't been myself for a long time.
should i just walk away?
should i hold on?
i tot this would be easy.
why does parting always hurt?
i should face reality.
reality sucks big time.

am i suppose to leave you alone forever?

i'm tired. i'm tired of giving. if only if you care to read. somehow, you just never cared. i'm holding on for what? i don't know. i'm really tired of everything. i think i deserve better. i need you to talk to me in a nicer matter. i need you to treat me better. i need you to make me feel wanted, needed by you. somehow or rather the things you do and think, it shows that you can live happily without me around you. when you're bored, you'd rather look for your other friends than me. it's been long since we've been to town or maybe, its been long since we've dated. whenever i ask for a date, to go town or do something i want, you'd always reject it. reason being because you'll need to spend too much money when we're out. great. everytime it's always about you. i sometimes wonder when will you think about me. i'd put you before anything. i'd always include you in my plans. when you get your pay, the first thing you think about is which bike frame to get, will you think of spending part of the pay to go somewhere with me or go out for a meal? i'm trying to be part of your life, to socialize with your friends. it's just not me to do it. it takes so much to do it. i think i'm stupid enough to go to the extent of trying to smoke in order to socialise. the first thing that would come to your mind when you see this should be stupid. how stupid can i be. i love you. i want to solve the things that is coming between us. i have no idea how to tell you all this because i can never get all this out of my mouth when i'm infront of you. the fact is you intimidate me quite a lot to the extent i'm still scared of you. why should i be scared of my own boyfriend. it is ridiculous. but it's the fact. we're both avoiding issues. maybe not both, just me. i'm tired. i'm really tired. we need to talk about it. i can't go on like this. i don't know how much longer i can go on. i want to be there for you. i want you to be here for me. but we need to talk. i need to tell you all this. i need to. i really need to. pls. read this. i'm tired of crying. i guess you would ask me what i want. i'll cut everything short for you. i want you to talk to me nicely. i want you to date me out frequently. i want you to not curse so much when you're playing games. i want you to love me for who i am. i need you to love me for who i am. i try to change. i want to change for you. it's difficult but i still try. i want you to not push me so much. i'm trying not to be so anti-social. i'm trying very hard. you remember les's birthday night? i was kind of like the only girl there, you can leave me alone to talk to your friends. i know it's been long since you've seen them, you want to catch up with them, but at least make me feel like i'm not someone, make me feel i'm your girlfriend, not leaving me alone, making me feel sad. maybe i'm not that important in your life. that's what i mean by somethings maybe crap to you but it matters a lot to me. your small little actions or words affect me a lot a lot. i'm not that thick skinned, to take all the critising. i can't. i'm a girl. i'm sensitive. i'm sorry for my attitude recently. i'm just tired.

it's supposed something that must be said to you. but i don't think i can say it all out. i just hope you bother to visit my blog and read about my feelings. i'm sorry. i love you. i need you.

i've been couch potato-ing for the past few days. i'm damn pissed off with my phone. CRAP! it's sliding phone problem. i'm so not buying slide phone next time.

i need some happy& slimming pills.
my boyfriend will never stop critisizing me.
i'm still thinking why i'm stuck with him.
there's always some reason out there.
i just need to find it.

i'm still trying to fit in.
outcasted still.

why is everything happening now?
vanishing is still under my wish list.

someone please pull me back to the "happy" earth i should be in.
i want to stop emo-ing.
crap