Days of our life.

How was your day? Mine was bad. 


The only thing I could do when I fell was to get up and continue riding. No one else was there to show any concern or give me a helping hand. I really felt like lying there until someone passes by to help me up. I really felt like sitting there and crying my eyes out. But it just wasn't the right thing to do. Life has to go on. I wonder whether there is any appropriate time in life to break down because of some really small and insignificant reason.


Somehow I thought my temper improved tremendously since secondary school days. But after things that happened today, it felt as if I took 2 steps back after taking only 1 small step forward throughout these years. I don't blow up but anger is written all over my face, I can't hide anything. I hate to be known by others in this manner, it simply makes me feel small and vulnerable. I hate times like this.


Just saying..

Bruised

I fell while cycling at work and got bruised on my sheen. I think it's the worst one I've ever had. No, it's not excruciatingly painful. It's the worst one cause it never seems to heal and there's like a daily constant reminder that the bruise is still there. It's irritating the hell out of me. I'll somehow hit that exact same spot every single day and it hurts like shit, making me look like some fool while I rub my sheen. 

I kinda relate this feeling to what I felt when he called it quits. It hurt real bad when he called it quits. Then I started to heal real well when something hits me again, the cycle of pain and healing begins yet again. Like I said, no, it's not excruciating painful. But that nagging pain is pissing me off. Up till today, I don't know if I'm too bored or lonely, I tend to space out and travel back to the past and start the hate that I thought I've let go long ago. This cycle has to stop.

It's just one of those days. Just saying..

Age

Sometimes, I wonder if it's a good thing when people think I'm fooling around when I truthfully tell them my age. Of course they'll always think I'm much older.

On physical terms, i.e my face, I don't think I should be too happy about this matter. It's only a reminder of how much skincare products I need to stock up to return my "youth" when I'm still full of it.

Am I like overly mature for my age? Sometimes I hear conversation of school kids or teenagers outside, I kinda fear that my thinking is actually on par with them. I used to think I was very matured in secondary school when most of my thoughts were childish and naive. Or should I put it this way, I hope that I'm already all grown up and matured in the eyes of my family. At home, I'm constantly trying to pry the thoughts of my family. After being rebellious for years, I kinda got tired of it all and been trying to grow up for them to stop worrying about me. I wonder if I'm growing and maturing at the right pace.

I guess everyone must always look on the bright side sometimes. Although I'm constantly hoping that I'm overseas attaining my degree and enjoying my youth now, I'm still glad that I'm already out working even before I turn legal. I always tell people, I'm increasing my market rate for the future to come. Awesome thinking right? I mean, it's an undeniable fact.

For now, I'm just hoping for whatever I wished for to come true. I mean, things have been unexpectedly smooth for me these few years. No doubt there were some downtime in between, but I kinda always end up getting what I wanted to plan for. I'm not asking for more, just let my goals be reached regardless of whatever barrier that comes along.

Sometimes..

Life is just too unfair. Feels like I'm the only one suffering from karma tho it's both our decision. Fuck you.

New.

It's been a week since my first day at zoo. A tiring but nonetheless fruitful week. I've finally doing something I like. Working at the zoo is actually very much of a challenge to me but something I've been expecting. Honestly, things that are happening there ain't my forte, not something I'm super familiar with. Yes I was exposed to all these before but it's a totally different world there.


After all the work experiences I've been thru, I'm kinda ashamed to say that I haven't really been good at any. I always have the unaccomplished feeling whenever I leave my old workplace. It's like being a failure at whatever I do. I fear that the same thing would happen this time round. I hate the feeling of being unable to complete tasks given to me independently. When such situations occur, distrust will eventually occur making work difficult. It's especially difficult now that I'm working in a male dominated environment when they don't trust women enough to handle dangerous equipments. I need a steeper learning curve so I wouldn't be the white elephant standing around. I need to learn and prove to myself and others that I'm as capable of doing things independently. 


Work aside, there's really nothing much to update. Staying at granny's is boring as expected. If not for my sis's lappy, I wouldn't be blogging here right now. I've been contemplating on whether to get an ipad since I don't own any lappy. I super depressed with the fact that I really splurged so much this month, I've gotta tap into my "emergency" savings for the KL trip next week and spendings for the rest of the month. There goes my plan to never touch that account. 


I know it's a wordy post as usual. I haven't been using my camera recently, fungus is growing out soon. Need to utilize it real soon. Hoping that MPN peeps can arrange the long awaited glamor pictorial soon! :)


Till then, Ciao!

First day.

It's a fresh new chapter from tommorrow onwards.

It's kinda scary to face new things but I strongly believe that this change is for the better. New chapter, new beginnings. I'll make this one a good one! I always like to remind myself that change is the only constant. So why fear change when we can happily embrace it?

Visual Orgasm



Maybe I wouldn't need a boyfriend afterall. Haha. As if this would work satisfying my needs. Like the title suggests, Ian seriously gives visual orgasm. So hooked to him. If only if, sucha boyfriend can just drop down from the sky.

Talking about boyfriends, I'm so used to doing things alone these few years, the thought of having someone someday kinda scares me. But I still dream of finding my Mr right and getting married someday, sharing the rest of my life with him. Even though I'm used to doing things alone, I still yearn for someone to share those experiences with me. I've also had enough of shitty relationships to know that good and lasting things are worth waiting for. I sound damn desperate here, but....... people do dream okay. :)

It's time.

It's finally time for me to move on to a new chapter of my life. I've been waiting for this moment for a few months. The initial waiting period was a bitch. But when everything came settling down, it felt good to know that my plans are finally falling in place. I'm really glad that things worked out the way I wanted it to when I was just starting to re-think my pathetic plans. This just shows that plans were not made in vain and when you're really set on wanting some stuff to work out, things will eventually work out when you put the required effort into it.


With things falling into place, it kinda reassured me that the perspective I have of life is worth sticking to. Just in case you don't know what it is, my perspective of life is to whatever you really want to do and not wait for the unknown. I figured that it's not worth waiting for the unknown when you have the ability to carry things out on your own. Why wait when the future is so uncertain. It's not as if the world would stop for if you put things on hold. The world would just go on, just like the saying that change is the only constant. 


Anw, I decided to change my domain name cause I've decided to let go of my past, my friends who can't be bothered anymore. There's no need for them to know what's happening in my life when they don't give a damn then. I didn't delete the whole blog as I still have memories worth keeping and I won't forsake all those memories when I move on.  I guess with a new chapter in life, it calls for a new start. A new, exciting and fulfilling is waiting for me. 


Also, as the new domain suggests, I really love minions.

Friends

It's scary how someone so gracious, kind, caring and honest could turn out to be one hell of a lying bitch you never knew existed until the trouble she created. It makes things worse when the front she puts up can still deceive people who genuinely trust and love her for who she is when I'm here suffering in silence.


I honestly don't give a damn for whatever trouble or nonsense you have created as long as it doesn't bother me. But why drag innocent people into this fucked up situation created solely by your fucking lies and irresponsibility? If your conscience was fucking clear, you wouldn't have fucking blown up upon simple questioning and created a fucking big fuss out of it and causing me so much trouble. I wished I never met you and trusted your passion. Thanks to you, I've learnt that no one in this world can ever be so selfless without hurting others.


I hope that we'll never be acquainted ever again. I'll pretend that I've never met you before and forget that you totally existed you MF.

Irony

Sometimes, women are such ironic creatures, things just doesn't make sense.

I'm one such typical women. I've been trying so hard to get rid of this someone for almost a year. And I've succeeded a few times actually. Totally no calls or text for a few weeks. But whenever there's no contact, I feel that something's missing somewhere and start yearning for his calls. I really feel like killing myself when this happens.

No matter how much you've taught me, guided and helped me, how much I loved your company, I still wish I never met you, never existed in each other's life. It's not about choice because there isn't any to begin with.

Abilities.

You know I normally know my limit when it comes to doing certain things. (Note: I said certain, not all)

But something I'm very certain I wouldn't go overboard doing something not within my ability. I wouldn't save an animal knowing that medical expenses is something I can't afford and expect some kind soul to magically appear somewhere to help you out. I wouldn't even consider entering a clinic and asking for free treatment. If I can't afford it, I wouldn't save the innocent life, end of story. If I want to save it, I would be prepared to pay for whatever expenses that comes along the way.


I used to think that passion conquers everything. Like, If you have passion for something, things will eventually work out no matter how much difficulties you'll have to go through. But after so much things that happened, I'd rather not have that passion. It's not because I'm not willing to go through with all the difficulties and trouble for things to work out. It's because sometimes, the trouble that I would eventually put people through would be too much. My mum always taught me not to trouble others in anyway, and I think it's true. People would eventually hate you after putting them through so much unneccesary trouble and drama when they were only out to help you.

Anw, I'm just pissed with clients.

Valentine's day.

Cheers to 2 years of singlehood! Thank you for leaving me and making my life a better one by doing so.

You have no idea how much I've acheived by myself, things that I know I wouldn't have done when I'm with you.

I sincerely hope you have a good one this year.

Missing.

I know I've been missing for damn long. I'm kinda lazy to update recently reason being, I'm a no-lifer now, no point for me to update. I'd be updating the same stuff everyday, life basically consists of home and work. That pretty sums everything up. Okay, maybe except for the fact that I'm a nanny whenever I'm home. My sis did the C-section on new year's day and I've been nanny ever since.

Anyways, I have a feeling that this would be a good year somehow. A "late" start, but better late than never I guess. I can smell my freedom coming my way soon. Somehow, I feel that my life would be back to the way it used to be, the way I love and miss.

My 2011 resolution.

My only resolution for this year is not to give anyone priority if I'm only a choice to them. Easier said than done, but I'll try to keep to it.