i'm tired. i'm tired of giving. if only if you care to read. somehow, you just never cared. i'm holding on for what? i don't know. i'm really tired of everything. i think i deserve better. i need you to talk to me in a nicer matter. i need you to treat me better. i need you to make me feel wanted, needed by you. somehow or rather the things you do and think, it shows that you can live happily without me around you. when you're bored, you'd rather look for your other friends than me. it's been long since we've been to town or maybe, its been long since we've dated. whenever i ask for a date, to go town or do something i want, you'd always reject it. reason being because you'll need to spend too much money when we're out. great. everytime it's always about you. i sometimes wonder when will you think about me. i'd put you before anything. i'd always include you in my plans. when you get your pay, the first thing you think about is which bike frame to get, will you think of spending part of the pay to go somewhere with me or go out for a meal? i'm trying to be part of your life, to socialize with your friends. it's just not me to do it. it takes so much to do it. i think i'm stupid enough to go to the extent of trying to smoke in order to socialise. the first thing that would come to your mind when you see this should be stupid. how stupid can i be. i love you. i want to solve the things that is coming between us. i have no idea how to tell you all this because i can never get all this out of my mouth when i'm infront of you. the fact is you intimidate me quite a lot to the extent i'm still scared of you. why should i be scared of my own boyfriend. it is ridiculous. but it's the fact. we're both avoiding issues. maybe not both, just me. i'm tired. i'm really tired. we need to talk about it. i can't go on like this. i don't know how much longer i can go on. i want to be there for you. i want you to be here for me. but we need to talk. i need to tell you all this. i need to. i really need to. pls. read this. i'm tired of crying. i guess you would ask me what i want. i'll cut everything short for you. i want you to talk to me nicely. i want you to date me out frequently. i want you to not curse so much when you're playing games. i want you to love me for who i am. i need you to love me for who i am. i try to change. i want to change for you. it's difficult but i still try. i want you to not push me so much. i'm trying not to be so anti-social. i'm trying very hard. you remember les's birthday night? i was kind of like the only girl there, you can leave me alone to talk to your friends. i know it's been long since you've seen them, you want to catch up with them, but at least make me feel like i'm not someone, make me feel i'm your girlfriend, not leaving me alone, making me feel sad. maybe i'm not that important in your life. that's what i mean by somethings maybe crap to you but it matters a lot to me. your small little actions or words affect me a lot a lot. i'm not that thick skinned, to take all the critising. i can't. i'm a girl. i'm sensitive. i'm sorry for my attitude recently. i'm just tired.

it's supposed something that must be said to you. but i don't think i can say it all out. i just hope you bother to visit my blog and read about my feelings. i'm sorry. i love you. i need you.