behold.

the arrival of hols in less than 24 hrs.

tmr's paper shouldn't even exist. yes. it's a redundant subject. luckily the teacher is some freaking nice singh hairy bear. haha. one of a kind teacher. too bad he's given such a subject. i'm not studying for it until tmr morning. i'll be chilling out the whole night. explaining my presence here. wahahahaha.

my hols shall nt be wasted. i'll fill it up. heh.

let me list my to do list.

1. spend my first week of hols with babe& darling before someone goes missing for 1 month.
2. gymming/running/whatever that let's me get in shape. hmmm. sounds impossible. but i'm going to prove everyone wrong. wahahahaha. wait& see.
3. work like shit. hopefully only morning shifts. i hate doing closing.
4. save money for chill out trip with fioooonaaaa.
5. club
6. get drunk
7. sheeshaa like nobody's business
8. meet up with everyone i know. ok. kidding. affinity.
9. moviessss. i shall not deprive myself of this entertainment anymore, for anyone. :D
10. read the dusty books i borrowed a month ago.
11. i shall not, never isolate myself.
12. ok. something i hate. prep for mbio supp paper. it's a sure thing. if i dun get supp paper. baby& darling i'll treat you guys go k. i sompah. i promise. wahaha.

ok. that's all for now. like so much things to do. but i'll do it. i have no restriction what-so-ever. time for me to move on& do something to pamper myself. heh. :D

hello. i'm at baby's place. to study. or more of keeping me awake for studious reasons and prevent me from going back to sleep with the possibility of me having terrible nightmares& end up having to try over and over again to go back to sleep. sleeps haven't been nice to me recently. i feel like dying in sleeps even.

somehow when things happen i find out i have readers. hmmmm. thanks for your concerns. i dun really know what to reply. but just to let you guys know i'm fine. i just need time to adjust. the real test comes when i'm back at work during the hols.

i gave myself reasons to quit. but i couldn't let that side of me win. it's just showing that i'm avoiding. something which i hate to do. i'm not. but if, in any case, any hol job with better pay pops up, i'll quit. ok. contradicting what i've said. but i really need money if i'm going to boston with sis in june. yeh. i'm going. :D freaking looking forward. so. i need money.

june will be some lonely month with sis in boston and fiona in aus. 2010 will even be worse after sis gets married. hmmmmm. i'll be the only young one at home. heh. i can't imagine. i think i'll start talking to walls by then. unless i have that someone. i'm sorry i can't stand loneliness, even for a second. that someone could be anyone. i'm not implying it's him. it's impossible. ok. i'm talking crap. pls ignore me. i'm not grieving over it. i always tell myself when a door of happiness close, there's always another open, just that i've been looking back at the closed door for too long, i missed it out. i told myself that when the previous relationship ended. i'm telling myself this now. i can go thru this. i just need time. sometimes when i think about it, i keep on telling myself to cry it all out but it somehow seems impossible to cry anymore. the impossible happened. sometimes i think if i carry on cooping all these feelings up will i end up committing suicide or become mentally unsound. but i've tot of all the possibilities when i commit suicide, all comes to an ugly end. i want to die beautiful. :D i dun feel like adding anymore burden to my family, hence i've decided to not do anything stupid, to let things go, look forward to the future and blog about this because i need someone, anyone to know. at least i'm not suffering alone, someone knows my plight and i get the concern i want. i want to disappear sometimes into my own world of happiness. but somehow it's avoiding. i hate avoiding. it's impossible anyway. i found out doing something stupid also requires so much courage. i think, sometimes i think too much into things i can't accomplish it. maybe that's why i can't do something stupid. sometimes i feel like waking up in the middle of the night to look for him or when i've got nothing to do i feel like calling him. but i know it's impossible to do it with any good endings. for what for do something with no ending and benefit to me.

ok. i should go back to mugging.

can you guys pls tag with your name. i'm not tag savvy enough to ban ppl with no proper names on my tag board. if you really care, why hide. i mean there's no harm in revealing yourself, is there?

empty.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

-leave out all the rest, linkin park.

someday when i'm gone. remember this song okok. :D dun worry, i won do something stupid. somehow i jus fell in love with this song.

empty. it's the feeling i'm having.

anyways. i'm going penang this coming weekend with mum to look for sis. i'm going despite of exams the follwing week. i think i really need to take a breather. :D

so pain. so numb. i'm not pacifying myself by telling myself that everything is ok. it isn't. i just need to get over it. i need time. give me sometime to emo and i'll be ok. i'm sorry if i just dun feel like talking about it because i knew this was coming and i naively continued. i'll be quiet. i won't pester. i won't do something stupid. so baby& darling dun worry. i just feel like keeping quiet. i feel like crying so much. but i refuse to because it hurts me so much. i think i'll jus sleep it off and continue with life. it's just another episode of life. i've been thru so much, this is nth. i refused to step out of my comfort zone. i forced you to be with me, you tried but i didn't feel it. sorry.

i've been sleeping so much i feel so lethargic, i feel like jus quitting school so i dun have to face exams.

i just hope i'll have the courage to not blog about all these feelings like how you'll do it.

There's a point in your life when you get tired of fixing everything
and trying to make everyone happy.
When you finally decide to quit,
it's NOT giving up.
Its realizing you dont need certain people,
and the bullshit they bring in to your life.

-Katherine Heigl as Dr. Izzie Stevens

hello. i'm suppose to be study. but i can't seem to find to mood to. where did it go? went off with him. ok. this is crap.

going to take my belated hep B booster jab later on.

tmr tmr tmr. grandma's birthday dinner. i hope you'll come.

hello. entrepruneurship is finally over and done with. stressed over this thing for the whole semester. like finally. the end of it kind of signifies the beginning of hell. semester exams. ahhhhhhhhhhh. i've yet to start studying. help me! crap.

hai. i miss you. can you talk to me? can you reply me? is she still in love with you? hai. why dun you tell me stuff?

omg. malaysian identical twins escaped penalty of hanging. this is crap lah. one of the twin was caught with posession of drugs in some room, then his identical twin walked into the room. the police couldn't identify who is who because they're identical. crap. if i had identical twin. imagine the henious crimes i would commit. wahahahaha. jus kidding. it's so amazing how fate can turn out this way& how lucky someone can be. i think the innocent twin brother must hate him to the core. he had 50% chance of getting hung innocently because of his brother's wrong doings& him looking identical. poor thing.

ok. i'm just wasting some time. tc.

ok. the words are messed up. i'm lazy to edit more. you guys figure out kk. alright. love you guys. nights. :D

hello peeps.





sorry for starting the post with such pictures. believe me, there's worst. i suppose those reading are most prolly baby and some other classmates, so i guess it won't affect you much. but basically, entering this course, you'll have to be prepared for these.

the above is what i've been doing these few weeks. forgive me. it's not animal abuse ok. seriously. i'm always volunteering to do all the post-mortem, hoping that i can be a good surgeon. kidding. it was disgusting with the dog in yr 1. but somehow, we started with the most disguting one. the animals we dissect seem to become smaller. first was dog and cat in yr 1, followed by rabbit 2 weeks ago, lastly, pigeons for today. it's my first blood taking experience today. kinda disappointing though cause i couldn't collect much. hmmmm. practice makes perfect, just like the dissection. wahaha. ok. i'm being saddist.

i'm kinda free for now. before hell begins next week. crappppppp.

went to some japanese restaurant for dinner earlier on. i'm at d's place, here for blogging while he's pigging. hmmmm. i wonder why i constantly give up the luxury of sleeping alone at home with air-com to come over to d's place& squeeze with him without air-con (that bitch sometimes decides when she's happy enough to spare us some air-con). i wonder. wonder.

hmmmm. i think i've nth to blog much abt these days due to my hectic school schedule. crap lah. it ends almost 6 everyday even though it's so near sem exams alr. crap. some stupid useless modules are far from complete. crap. waste of time.

anyways. i'm not blogging so often as my CPU is gone. it'll be a few weeks before it's back. so forgive me for not updating frequently.

ok.

3 more weeks before my freedom comes and penang, i'll be looking for you then. :D

i feel like planning a surprise trip for us during hols. but my pocket is kinda tight. hmmmmm.

anyways, pictures for the lau yu sheng session with classmates. :D it's been long since i've posted photos. please don't be shocked to see my bangs and rounded face. :D i admit i've gained weight& i swear i'm doing something to it. :D

me& darling (spot someone at the back. ok. i'm being evil.)

my baby& darling.

me& baby.

forgive me. my big mouth. i was laughing because of something i said. waahaha.

A7K1, Vet Tech, in short, my classmatessss. spot jomer (my care person, the oldest looking guy, hmmmm, actually not, some of my classmates looks older.) :D


not forgetting my collegues. taken during naseha's bdae. :D