Anticipate.

If only I'll learn never to anticipate, I won't get so much disappointment in life. But then again, it's the anticipation that keeps me going and prepared for the worst.


I hate the need to avoid lucifer because I know the right light will never blink when I need it to. Sorry lucifer for neglecting you. It's just a phase then soon you'll be my dearest again.


Timber tmr will take load of my mind.

Involvement.

Just because I'm young, it doesn't mean I don't understand what love is.
Just because I'm young, it doesn't mean I don't understand how important a whole perfect family is. 
Just because I choose to stand by you, it doesn't mean you can waste my concern on you.


If you choose to tell me, then expect me to be concerned about you. So don't shut me out from your life and come to me only when you feel lonely. If you've already known my concern for you would be useless and ignored, don't fucking tell me all these stuff in the first place. Stop wasting my concern and headaches for you. It hurts me to see you in this state. 

Reality.

You can't imagine how much I miss diving, how much I miss the sun, sand and sea, how much I miss sitting down in the hut by the sea, enjoying the sea breeze and ponder about life.


But I can't be doing all these forever. I guess all these are my motivation to work harder, earn the money and time for all these activities. Meanwhile, I'll have to press on!


P.S: I know I'm better off without you, consider me begging you to leave me alone.

Honesty.

If you're a normal kid, grew up in a normal family, went to school and made friends, you should know this cliche phrase - "Honesty is the best policy". If you haven't heard of it, you're dysfunctional. Haha. Just kidding.

I learnt the hard way that honesty isn't always the best policy. It brings you down. I got rejected from various companies, rejected from people and institutions because of honesty. Why doesn't employers hire one who is honest, why would they choose those liars instead? I guess it's just how realistic this society is. They'd rather hear lies which sounds pleasant rather than truth which sounds utterly repelling. This modern society sucks. So much so for communication skills teaching you not to lie, so much so for parents teaching you to be honest. You be honest with your wrong-doings, you get scolded and grounded. You lie and deny everything, you'll at least get some lee-way, maybe your parents choose to believe your lie and let the matter rest.

So why be honest when it doesn't help?

Maybe for me, at least honesty lets me sleep better, live with conscience. I've had enough of lying to people around me, especially my parents, and trying to hide the fact from them. It's so hard to be myself even tho I'm home. I've spent too much time trying to cover up my wrong-doings, I missed out the joy of enjoying my time at home. In fact, I hate being home because I need to lie and put on a pretense. That's why, during the 2 months away, I miss home so much, I made a pact with myself to not lie to my family. They deserve to know whatever that's happening to me and whatever I'm doing.

Goal.

I need a goal now since my life is pretty much goal-less. If you do not know yet, my application for the animal management course was unsuccessful due to my stupidity yet again. I felt like dropping dead that instant i saw the results. I mean there's a limit to everyone's state of stupidity. But i think mine is kinda limitless.


Anyways, I've gotten over the fact that my stupidity caused the rejection yet again. I've made promise to myself to never ever get rejected due to my stupidity. Only honesty can cost me chance, not my pea brain.


Back to the having some goal topic. As I was saying, I need a goal. So, I'm gonna learn wakeboarding! Wakakakaka. Sounds exciting huh. Without the need to say this, I HAVE TO GET MY LICENSE. I can't fail again. Imagine how much more stuff and places I can go if I drive. 


But, till my pay comes in, there's nothing much I can do. When pocket money was given, I never felt the pinch when spending money. But now when money spent is what I slogged so hard for, the pinch is so painful. Sorry mummy& daddy for being such a spoilt brat, spending money like there's no tmr.


I can't wait for end of the month. So much I need and want to do. And, and, and, Maisy is coming over for a short stay next month! So eggcited cause it's eons since I've seen her. You have no idea how much I want to abduct her and make her mine. :D


Till then, toodles. 


Note to self: Pls save up ah!

Winkle Family Flea.

Come support me in my first ever flea! We'll be selling our pre-loved apparels and accessories. Some of them are brand new, you know those i-need-to-buy-something-moment and ended up using none of them kind. Hehh. Nothing goes beyond 20 bucks! We're pocket friendly, no worries cause i'mma shopper too. (:

Anyways, it's this coming Sat (21Aug) at St. James powerstation from 11am till 4pm.

Coolest thing about this flea (other the fact that i'll be selling stuff there :D) is that it caters to the WHOLE family. Mind you, including your fur balls okay! So make it your family outing, come down and have a hell of a time shopping! There's definitely something you can find for the young, the old, the fur balls and the hungry ones!

Check out their webbie for more info okay!

So mark your calender and come down for hell of a shopping experience!

Moving on.

When it comes to boyfriends, it's always the hardest to move on when we break up. At least that's the case for me. But somehow, friends simply move on as my life moves on, so easily. Why i always ask myself but somehow i never really want to face the fact that i'm the reason these things happen.


I'm always envious of people with childhood friends, people who can count the years of friendship and still be each other's confidante after so long. 


After serious reflection, i've decided that i've had enough friends who moves on as my life proceeds to the next chapter (i.e new school, new job etc.). So, i'll cherish whoever i have now. You guys would still be my confidante after 2 decades, you'll be my bridesmaids, you'll be my future child's god-mother. :D

Fur balls.

My love for fur balls is back. I feel like having one fur ball at home now. A fur ball who greets me with the ever so excited hugs and kisses whenever i step into my home. It'd make my life more perfect, less empty now.

Blessed.

I'm really blessed. Or maybe i'm too oblivious to things happening around me. I'll always be working in an environment filled with fun-loving people, in an environment i'd least expect it to be. Or maybe it's only the beginning. No matter what, i'll make the best of what i have here and now. 

First Love.

Do you remember the fuzzy feeling you get when you're with your first love?

I still do. I dug up so much memories of me and HD. I've always consider him as my first love even though i've had other immature relationships prior to the relationship with him. Anyways, back to digging up memories part. I dug up boxes of pictures, bus tickets, neo-prints. Things were so simple back then when nothing really bothered us much. Most of our quarrels were due to time spent with each other. I'm high maintenance and demanding most of the time. But i had a real good 2.5 years with him. In the end, i guess no matter how hard we try, how much we loved each other, we're just not fated to be together. Regardless of whether he knows it or not and as cliche as it sounds, i just have the urge to say that i really did love him back then. Thank you HD.