Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there
-Otomo No Yakamochi

i'm tired of those dreams that never comes true. i'm so happy there& wake up to reality that i wish never came. why?

wizard of oz once said that a heart is practical only if it's made unbreakable. is there such thing as an unbreakable heart? things wouldn't be so difficult now if i was born with an unbreakable heart. or so it would be. it'd be even better if i was born heartless, without emotions. then i wouldn't know or feel something called love.

it still hurts so much. sometimes out of nowhere i need a pillar. for me to lean& cry on. but i know it's just a sign of weakness. i can't let it overcome me. i can't. getting drunk& clubbing can never be a solution. what happened that night only made me feel worse and made me tot so much more, brought back the urge to call you. call you to pick me up& somehow hopefully things will turn out like how i want it to be. but i jus couldn't do it. i know i'll be rejected cold& hard. i wished you could prove me wrong. but it's impossible i know. i know for myself, i can't turn back no matter how much i want. i need to move on or i'll get hurt even more.

someone pls come along, mend my heart, make it unbreakable& practical.