During this trip, i have the luxury of time. I would say that i've used the time wisely, to daydream. It isn't those kind of useless daydreaming, but thoughts and effort were put into these daydreams okay. Most of the time, i'll be thinking of life, how it should have been if some decisions were different or how life would be in the future for me, for everyone around me. Sometimes, i'll be thinking of the present, how things would be different if i were travelling with a different companion. (I'm not saying that K isn't good, in case you're wondering)
A week back, i sent an email to my mum and sisters, something i wouldn't have done in the past. Something i've been wanting to do. Well, the content consists of 90% travel experience and 10% reflection. It sounds cliche to write a reflection, but it's something i had to do or i'll regret kinda thing you know.
Just to let you guys know, if not for them, my first ever backpacking trip at this age would never have been possible. If you guys know me long and well enough, i'm a very pampered kid. Since i'm the youngest of the 3, i almost always get what i wanted at the expense of anything. The thing i never really appreciated was that no matter how wilful or disappointing i am, my family always love me like nothing else. This is something i learnt to treasure when i'm out here, their love for me. It's uncomparable to anything in this world.
My family isn't filthy rich nor extremely well to do, just being able to make ends meet with a lil more comfort. Both my sister's education were paid for by scholarships, so my parents didn't have to worry about school fees for them. Both of them worked hard for the scholarships and my parents simply didn't have to worry for them. They only had to worry about me. With my interest, it's difficult to get a scholarship for my field so they had to worry about money issues. Technically, i should do more and acheive more to ease their worries, but throughout my 3 years of poly life, i've mostly done more to add on to their worries. I'm mostly disappointing them. I can say, my only acheivement during those 3 years was me getting my internship at Underwater world which landed me in a newspaper article. It was then when i finally felt like i was on par with both my sisters, something my parents can be proud of.
My family actually paid for this dream of mine to come true, literally. From the start, i knew i wouldn't be able to earn enough money in such a short period, but like how i'd behave normally, i wanted things my want and was damn set that this trip would happen, at all cost. I was too ashamed and sturborn to tell my family that i didn't have enough for the trip. Naturally, their instincts told them off and they started gathering funds for me, without me knowing. I did ask Fiona for help myself, but i know it wouldn't be enough. I really have to apologize to and thank Alicia, because she's the one who came up with most of the funds. My dad had to call up my Fiona in aussie and quarreled with Alicia to gather funds for me. I'm sorry for being the youngest and most naive one.
During these daydreaming sessions, i've really thought on all the things i've done to hurt my family and the only thing that i can do to stop being a liability in the family is to grow up and face the fact that although i'm the youngest, i can't always have things my way. I'll grow up and reduce their worries for me (you know it's impossible to stop them from worrying, so i'm just going to reduce it), that's my promise to them. That would be for the how life would be for me in the future.
Have you thought about how your future would be and how it'd affect your family. Maybe, it's time to give a thought to your family, if you admit that you're like me.
To be continued...
P.S: I really daydreamed a lot, so i've separated this into 3 different entries. :D
This is a solemn and serious post, so no pictures. Heh. Kidding lah. I'm just lazy for this post. Next post okay.
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