Silence

This is something i really appreciate. Technically, not that kind of deafening silence, just silence from anything other than my MP3. If people know me well, i think i'm quite a quiet person and keep most thoughts to myself, most importantly, i think i'm kinda hard to decipher. And i'm especially quiet whenever i'm in a new environment or surrounded by less than familiar people. Unfamiliar people often try to strike a conversation with me but only getting my grins or silence as a response.



I really have to explain this weird behaviour of mine. I can be quiet because i simply am not equipped with good socializing skills, i have no idea what a good pick up line is, so i shut up to prevent embarrassments. Mind you, my skin ain't that thick okay. There are a lot of occasions where i feel that i really really need to speak up because i feel left out but i can't seem to find the voice of mine to join in those interesting conversations. And sometimes, i just want to enjoy my music and meditate, so i mute myself. Something i learnt from my first love was to shut up when i'm really mad so that i can think about things and not blurt nasty things out of anger. Since then, i become mute whenever i'm really mad at someone or something, which can be really maddening for friends around.


I have to apologize for being so quiet at unnecessary times for stupid reasons, but i guess this is what defines me and wouldn't really change with time.


And, sometimes, i wonder if K feels lonely during this trip because we don't really have any conversation that can last for more than 5 minutes. Hmmmm.